The second wife
INTENDING TO BE A SECOND WIFE?
Allah Ta’ala has made lawful for a man to marry a second, third and a fourth wife. Those who disapprove or dislike this Institution of Allah Ta’ala should renew their Imaan and their Nikah. The status of all the wives is the same. The first wife enjoys no preference with regards to treatment. Financial expenses, home and night times have to be equally distributed to the wives. Many men take second wives secretly, and the women condone the secret nature of their marriages only to regret later when the discovery is made. It should be remembered, that a marriage cannot remain a secret for too long. Furthermore, zina is a secret affair, not Nikah. Nikah is a public affair.
It is unnatural and extremely harmful and heartbreaking in the long term to marry clandestinely and to dwell in the self-deceptive idea of the marriage re- maining a perpetual secret. While a woman is naaqisul aql (deficient in intelligence), the man is not expected to inherit her attribute of nuqs fil aql. It is imperative that the man acts intelligently, not with his nafs. The emotional decision constrained by lustful passion will always be regretted later when the glamour of nafsaaniyat dissipates.
The pious Sages of the Ummah said: “Verily, Allah loves a discerning gaze (i.e. wisdom/ insight) at the time of doubt, and (Allah loves) a perfect intelligence at the time when lust grips (a man),”
It is extremely necessary to employ the intelligence correctly when there is the danger of involvement with the opposite sex. Imaam Ghazaali ( rahmatullah alayh) said that when a man is entangled in an emotional trap with a woman, then 60% of his brain cells become inoperative, hence Allah Ta’ala loves a ‘perfectintelligence’ at such a juncture. The woman contemplating to become a second wife should not agree to be treated like a mistress. She should not agree to spend her days with her husband as if she is a prostitute engaged in a clandestine illicit affair playing hide and seek with the public as if she is on the run. Remember that if a man is unable to have a public second Nikah, he will soon buckle under the emotional pressure of his first wife and in-laws. When the first wife discovers the second wife, she will explode or implode and bring the roof crashing on her husband. We are aware of many cases where the first wife demands that her husband divorces his second wife otherwise she will pack up and leave with the children. Almost all men in secret marriages, submit. The second wife then finds herself deserted. It is not only the right of the second wife, but her obligation to insist that her Nikah and presence be made public. If the man is not prepared for this, stay far from him. Offer him a harsh goodbye. Do not cast yourself into such misery which you will regret and shed many tears of grief which will be of no avail. It is dishonourable to live as if you are a mistress or a prostitute when Allah Ta’ala has placed you – the second wife – on par with the first wife. It is infinitely better to remain single and lead an honourable life in solitude than be treated like a mistress in an illicit affair.