THE SANCTITY OF AR-RAHM
THE SANCTITY OF AR-RAHM
Q. A man has severed all ties with his father and brothers because his stepmother had spread some nasty stories about him. He accuses her of having humiliated him with her lies. As a result of a particular incident which had given rise to the problem, the man no longer visits his father’s home and he has refused his stepmother permission to visit his home. Is he justified for severing all relationship with his father and other members of the family on the basis of the lies and nasty things his stepmother spoke about him? Or does he fall in the category of breaking family ties?
A. The parental bond is sacred and extremely lofty. Regardless of any injustice and oppression of parents, it is haraam for a child even if he/she is 100 years old, to sever ties with his/her father and mother even if she happens to be his/her stepmother. Most people fail to understand that a stepmother notwithstanding her nastiness and injustices remains in the category of a mother. By virtue of her marriage with the father, her status is elevated to the rank of motherhood. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: “Among the loftiest acts of piety is that a man be kind to the family of his father’s friends after his (the father’s) death”. In this Hadith, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) does not confine kindness to parents or to the friends of parents, but extends it to the family of his father’s friends. During the father’s lifetime, the order of this Hadith has greater applicability.
The distance which this Hadith goes in order to emphasize the sanctity of family ties should be adequate for a Muslim with some intelligence and a little fear of Allah in his heart. The father’s best ‘friend’ is his wife – the stepmother who this man is shunning and grossly disrespecting. When a person honours his stepmother, he in fact honours his father, and when he honours his father he gains the thawaab of a Maqbool Hajj.
If a father or a mother spreads false rumours about their children –there are such stupid parents who are impelled by ignorance and malice to slander even their own children – Allah Ta’ala will deal with them. But children have absolutely no right to react or retaliate in any way whatsoever which will cause distress to their parents. This man who has severed ties with his father, stepmother and family must understand that as long as he continues with his Qata’ Rahmi (severance of family ties) neither his Fardh nor his Nafl acts of ibaadat are accepted by Allah Ta’ala. Furthermore, the episode of the senior Sahaabi, Hadhrat Alqamah (radhiyallahu anhu) is a sombre warning for all those who rent asunder family ties – they are in danger of leaving this dunya without Imaan. May Allah Ta’ala save us all from such a terrible calamity. We did narrate Hadhrat Alqamah’s story in The Majlis some time ago. Insha’Allah, it shall be printed again to provide ibrat (a sombre lesson) to those who cause hurt and displeasure to their parents, including their stepmothers.
Hadhrat Aishah (radhiyallahu anha) narrating a Hadith said: “Ar-Rahm (the personification of Family Relationship) hangs on to the Arsh of Allah saying ‘Whoever maintains me, Allah will maintain him (or her), and whoever cuts me asunder, Allah will cut him (or her) asunder.” Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) also said in this regard: “He who wishes that his rizq (sustenance, earnings, money) be increased, should maintain family ties (i.e. be kind and honourable to family members.).” Explaining Islam’s concept of Kindness to the Family, Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said that kindness to family members means to be kind to the family even when they are unkind to you.
It is the Waajib obligation of this man to cast off his pride and to restore good relationship with his father, stepmother and all the other family members with whom he has severed ties. He should not wait for the advent of Maut, Qabr and the Aakhirah when it will be too late to regret and repent.